Fade Away: That's Life
by Shiroi-Jyuujika
Summary: A Flame of Rekka story retold. Nothing more needs to be said. Rated PG-13 [currently] but R later for possible lemons in later chapters, for some swearing and also for deaths that would come in later chapters. TokiyaFuuko. Chapter 2 uploaded, happy readin
1. Love Me, Hate me

**Fade Away: That's Life**

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**Disclaimers: **I do not own FOR, and actually have no intention of owning it. I needed a basis for my storyline and I needed the characters. 

**Notes: **I have decided on the University setting partly because it had been the majority; but also because I have found that it is much easier to write a story with University settings. Fuuko's _koi would be Tokiya, as most people have requested, to put it mildly, in the reviews.  I have not an idea why Tofu is so welcomed by all who read FOR and I do not think I should attempt understanding. I have to apologize for not being able to make a Raiha/Fuuko, or Kurei/Fuuko fanfiction as some of the reviewers wanted, but I had mentioned in the poll that the pairings also depend on favouritism. However, they will turn up, so stay around for their entrance. I have named 'Joker' Lucas Khay in this fanfiction as Joker did not have a definite name throughout the series or the _manga_. The University used in the story is not a University in actual existence, and so far, I haven't seen a need for the name of the University. Therefore, it will remain anonymous until I feel that it is required.  I shall also add that in this fanfiction, Raiha would be Fuuko's dear brother and their parents are dead. Further explanations will be done after this chapter is over and if you have more questions, you can feel free to either e-mail or send a review. _

This will turn out a happy fanfiction, if that's what anyone's worried about. However, there's quite a load of angst in the middle. 

**Chapter One: **Love me, hate me. 

_In the place that I've left behind,_

_There I've left my past gently swaying,_

_All those memories,so beautiful,_

_But like a dying rose; softly fading…_

I would wake up screaming everyday. It torments my mind, all those memories. They always came to me, hauntingly real, just preying on my heart, my brain and my soul.  

Today was no different from the others. I woke up screaming as usual, panting slightly at the stress and ache the nightmares never ceased to cause me. I sat up, wiping the tendrils of hair drenched in sweat from my forehead. The droning silence around me was hurting with irritancy. I mutely wondered about it. I could feel no fear from the silence or the darkness.  

A look at the clock that hung alone on a bare white wall told me how dead in the morning it was. Thin silver lines graced in from the windows, illuminating my dark world with the slightest light. Absence of fear was a stranger to me. Perhaps it was the fear that had killed my once innocent heart. It was also debatable whether I had ever had one. People said to me, every time you struggle and survive a disaster, you would become a different person. I know the wisdom in these words. There was disaster somewhere along this life and it was the disaster that always came back, never letting me forget it. 

Thinking worked up an appetite. Ignoring the fact that if I were to eat now, at two in the morning and went back to sleep, waking up later in the day, I would get a stomachache, I gladly threw the sheets off my body. Pain was another frequent visitor in my life and having it drop by uninvited came as no surprise to me.

  I padded towards the kitchen, where I took the initiative to cook myself a meal. I settled with a plate of sausages and eggs. The typical early morning breakfast and the easiest to cook, if I was not considering the usage of a microwave oven.  I got past two of my sausages and was reaching for a third when I had caught sight, as I have almost every new morning in my life after disaster happened, of a silent photo frame that stood desolately on the kitchen counter. 

It was the key trigger to all my memories. Although without it, I would not have forgotten the memories anyway. I was not a psychopath, but the picture was to make sure I never forgot the memories. No matter how tormenting I never want to forget them. I strode past the table and picked up the photo frame, running my fingers across the pitiful layer of glass. Willful, happy faces stared back at me from the depths of the photo within the frame. I slowly breathed out their names, as my finger gently rode over each of their faces and finally stopped momentarily at one. 

He was not smiling in the picture. He never did. The moment was short and I had continued again, fingers riding, as memories replayed themselves in my brain…

"This is the new exchange student," The teacher coughed lightly as he frowned at the register. I hid a smile with the back of my hand. The teacher obviously had no idea how to pronounce my name. 

"Kirisawa Fuuko, sir." I said steadily.  He coughed again. 

" Please sit at the third row, on that seat right next to Mr. Khay, Miss KI-RI-SA-WA." 

I nodded for politeness and walked over to my seat. I had not settled in for more than a second when a hand stuck itself under my nose. 

Blinking, I turned, my eyes trailing from the hand to the arm it was attached to and finally, to the person's face. I could only see half of his face; his eyes were hidden under the shadow of a baseball cap. 

"Lucas Khay, also known as 'Joker'." The boy introduced himself. 

"Kirisawa Fuuko." I said, taking his hand. He grinned amicably. 

"What's with the cap?" I asked. 

His grin widened as he tugged at the cap. "That's my secret." 

I shrugged. It was not my problem to probe into his private life.  

"So, where you from?" He asked in a lowered voice. 

"Tokyo." I replied casually. 

He grinned widely. " Oh, a Jap." 

I frowned at him. "Not 'Jap'," I said, " That's impolite. **Japanese**." I emphasized. 

"Okay." He raised his hands in mock surrender, grinning like a half-witted idiot. I ignored him.  I was not usually like that. Usually, I would not have gotten irritated over such a little matter. But, I had just arrived in this new country, dragged away from all my friends. It would be impossible to be in a good mood. Especially if you had to attend school two days after you had just arrived.  

We both refrained from talking until the lunch bell rang. I was about to leave the classroom when Joker called out to me. " Hey! Kirisawa, wait up!" 

"Yeah?" I asked with slight suspicion. 

He grinned at me easily. "I'm supposed to show you around the compound m'lady." He added with an elaborate gentlemen's bow.

I rolled my eyes. " Save the antics and lead me to the cafeteria if you have to." 

"Cute. Right on ma'am!" He paused to give a clumsy salute before leading me to the cafeteria. I chanced to hear him mutter under his breath, "wonder about the idiot."

We arrived at the cafeteria later than most students, no thanks to Lucas Khay and his terrible sense of direction. The cafeteria was filled with students, but managed not to look too crowded. I assumed it was the size. The school cafeteria was at least twice the size of a normal school cafeteria. Lucas Khay started to crane his neck and scan the crowd.

"Looking for someone?"  I asked.

He gave me another large grin before turning his cap-shaded gaze back to scanning the crowd. I distinctly heard him mutter, "Nope, nope, not here, not there……"

I let my own gaze sweep across the crowd. Mutely, I wondered who Lucas Khay was looking for. I did not wonder for very long. Lucas Khay suddenly let out a loud yell, " HANABISHI!!!" and started a frantic waving tirade. 

_Hanabishi_?_ I thought distantly. The name was familiar to me and it sounded Japanese.  A spiky haired boy popped into my vision yelling at the top of his voice. " HEY! YOU FREAKIN JOKER!!"  The both of them exchanged mega-watt grins and hi-fived right there and then. _

" Where HAVE you been? I was looking for you this morning." Joker accused with mock anger. 

" Not telling. Why? You jealous?" Hanabishi grinned widely.

" Might be." Joker said, his face serious. They both stared at each other for a moment before bursting out in howling laughter. 

Then, the Hanabishi guy seemed to notice me for the first time. " Hey, you got hooked already?" 

" Heh! You wish. Transfer student." Joker replied with simplicity. The spiky haired boy turned and addressed me. 

" Yo, your name girl?" He asked, not forgetting to snicker after his sentence. 

" Don't…" I had started to say that I didn't owe him an answer when Joker rudely cut in. " Kirisawa Fuuko, a lil jappie like you." 

" Ho! You're Japanese too?" Hanabishi seemed to look at me with a new light. " I thought it was only him and me." I heard him mutter.

" What?" I asked.

"Nothing, heh heh." Hanabishi said waving a hand, wearing a disgusted look on his face. I thought nothing much of it at that point, but I later found out the reason for his disgust. 

Turning to Lucas, Hanabishi said, " Have you seen that sorry excuse for a human around today?" 

" He's not exactly a sorry excuse, and no he's not around today." Lucas answered, folding his arms.

" Well, he's no where near human, I can vouch for that. Still forever stuck at the grave." Hanabishi grumbled. 

 Lucas Khay directed Hanabishi a sharp look. " Don't you ever give up fighting with him?" Lucas muttered before turning back to me. 

" Not unless he changes that sickening attitude."  Hanabishi retorted. Suddenly from amongst the crowd there was a thundering yell. 

" HANABISHI!!" 

Hanabishi rolled his eyes before patting Joker on the shoulder. " Well, gotta run before that freakin ass gorilla catches up, see ya!" He directed a salute to me before taking off. 

I had been silently wondering what Hanabishi meant by the term gorilla when I saw a huge hulk of a figure stumble past. He was a definitely some kind of cross breed between a gorilla and human. The human gorilla even had a ridiculous Mohawk hairstyle. Feeling a wave of distaste rush over me, I had innocently stuck out my leg when he passed by. He lived up to my expectations, falling face flat on the ground. 

He got up, yelling like an enraged bull.  He had extremely dull senses, not realizing who had tripped him, turning instead to terrorize each and every student that was standing near him.  It made me ponder if he had more of the gorilla chromosomes in him than human. Hanabishi, from where he was, which must have been at least five metres away from the gorilla, had seen my little act and was laughing terribly hard, so hard that he had dropped and started rolling on the ground. If you thought that it was impossible for laughter to do that to you, then it is a shame that you could not see how amusing Hanabishi looked when he rolled. 

The gorilla gave another booming 'HANABISHI' when he saw Hanabishi's behaviour, and gave up looking for his 'tripper', turning his attention back to Hanabishi again. 

I burst out in uncontrollable laughter, and saw with the side of my vision, Joker laughing just as hard. 

The school bell took the chance to ring angrily, after which Joker and I had to support each other back to class. 

" That…" Joker had said, with tears streaming out of his eyes from the hard laughter, " was…haha…Ishijima…Domon." (it is assumed that Ishijima Domon is NOT a japanese in this story.)

" Domon? Haha…What…kind…of name is THAT?" I asked, clutching my stomach which had started to hurt from all the laughter. 

" You'll never guess…..haha….it means…" Joker said with an elaborate pause, " ROCK!!" 

It was soon six thirty in the evening and I had reached home, calling loudly, " Tadaima! Aniki!" 

" Fuu-chan!" My brother, Kirisawa Raiha, appeared from the kitchen calling me by a pet name I understood was a form of affection, but I nevertheless disliked. 

" Don't call me that!" I frowned to show my irritation. My brother was undaunted. He just sauntered up next to me, ruffling my hair.

" Hey!" I had protested loudly after he walked past me and started lying dining utensils on the table next to the kitchen. 

I looked at him incredulously as he walked past, back into the kitchen. " We're having dinner now?" 

" Why not?" Aniki shrugged from where he was, ladling out bowls of _miso_ soup. " It's only a little earlier then when we do in Japan. A little help if you may, Fuu-chan." 

Well, it did not really matter; I had skipped lunch and was feeling hungry anyway. " So, how **was** school?" Aniki asked after we had progressed through at least ten minutes of dinner.

" Uh, I suppose I did make some friends." I replied with uncertainty. I did not know if 'Joker' and Hanabishi were considered _friends. I supposed in some way, there __might be a possibility. _

Ignoring the uncertainty in my tone, aniki's eyes brightened considerably. " That's good." 

It must have been my over suspicion, I had thought at that point in time, seeing a flash of tremendous relief flash past aniki's eyes. I had thought, _maybe it was because our ryoshin had just died two months ago and after we moved, he was afraid that I would not be able to get used to a different way of life._

It had not been my over suspicion, I had found out much later. 

We retired to bed early, which proved to be a mistake. I woke up, surprisingly bright, at two the next morning and found that no matter how much I tried, slumber was not viable. Giving up, I threw the sheets off and exited my room, the idea of visiting _aniki_ fresh in my head. 

Quietly, full of playful intent, I opened the door barring me from him. I was surprised; _aniki__ was not in his room. A thorough search of the house showed that _aniki___ had gone out. _

Feeling bewildered, I went out of the house, not forgetting a flashlight, in search of him. _Aniki__, dokoe iku no ka?__ (Aniki, where did you go?) _

" Aniki!" I called out in a sound slightly louder than a whisper. No intention of attracting flying crockery from someone's windowsill so early in the morning.  I walked a few more metres, calling for _aniki, keeping my noise level in check. _

It was then I saw, illuminated by the moonlight a dark figure which flew past and landed with a slight thud in the alleyway near by. Fearing it was _aniki_, I ran to the alleyway, after which the possibility of the figure not being my _aniki_ formed in my brain. 

I started to approach the alleyway with more caution. I was unduly surprised however, to find no one. Feeling puzzled, I had wanted to walk out of the alleyway when I felt a death grip around my neck. 

" What…" I started to say when a voice cut mine coldly.

"Don't make a sound or you die. Why are you following me." Cold, like unfeeling metal. I was not able to suppress a small shiver. I knew how to fight, and if someone could still catch me with a grip like the one around my neck, that person was not one that could be underestimated.  However, I was thankful for the anger that was boiling, so much I did not bother stopping myself from saying:

" I wasn't following you, you freakin' bastard!" 

He laughed, a small laughter, cold and dry. " So you were just taking a nice walk in the road at 2 in the morning."

Sarcasm. Another thing that made my blood boil further. " Just let go of me." I hissed, trying my best to control my anger. 

The stranger said nothing, and did nothing to remove the vice-like grip on my neck. My patience wore out. Cursing slightly, I willed all my strength and hit the stranger right across the jaw, except the punch only coursed through thin air, hitting nothing with the grip still around my neck. 

" Don't make another move." The voice said simply, but the grip around my neck tightened. 

I felt slightly out of breath. I cursed again and directed a flying kick in the direction of the voice. I did hit something, and heard the stranger let out an almost inaudible groan of pain. The grip on my neck slackened and I broke free of it easily. I turned and shone the flashlight in the direction of the voice and was stunned slightly when my eyes met ice cold blue. 

I realized that it was the stranger's eyes. Ice cold blue set on perfectly carved porcelain skin, with waves of silver hair tied up securely in a ponytail. He had an expression of pure hatred present on his features, his hand, around a part of his abdomen, stained blood red.  

"What the…?" I had started when the stranger moved, whipping out a _katana and came towards me with lightning fast speed. I stood rooted, for some reason, unable to move. I was watching the _katana_ coming down faster, faster…_

" DAMMIT! MIKAGAMI! STOP!!" I heard, it was a very familiar voice. The _katana _stopped, less than an inch from me. 

"Joker?" I had muttered, and turned around, finding that my assumption was correct. 

Joker directed me a weak smile. " Thank goodness." I heard him mutter as he walked forward. He addressed Mikagami with anger. " What in the freaking hell were you trying to do? Kill her?" 

The stranger, Mikagami, looked at Joker. " And if I was?" 

" You know darn well that we're not suppose to kill anyone!" 

Mikagami regarded Joker's blazing gaze coolly. They stared at each other for a mere few seconds, after which Joker broke eye contact first. 

He turned to me and said. "I'm sorry Kirisawa, you'll have to come with me." 

" What for?" I asked, feeling ruffled at the outrageousness of everything. Heck! All I wanted to do was to find _aniki! _

"You've seen something you're not supposed to see, and I have to let you meet Yanagi." 

"Yanagi?"  I had said before I felt someone deliver a blow to my head, and my world turned dark around me. 

I was staring into space. The clock on my kitchen wall read three in the morning. I was not tired, no, in fact, the memory was keeping me wide awake. Breakfast had turned cold, and my appetite had disappeared. Nevertheless, I felt no urge to return to bed. My window was opened, and a gentle, sad breeze was inching its way around my apartment. 

Three more hours before the sun will rise. The curtains swayed lightly and my mind was forced into another memory trance. 

**Author's Notes: **Now, I shall give proper explanations for all those who cannot understand what I am writing. Firstly, Fuuko is now working. Her memories are of the times when she was in University. Joker and Mikagami are NOT assassins. That part of the explanation will come in the next chapter. 

By the way, the Japanese do mind when they are called 'Japs'. This is a fact as I have found out from an online Japanese friend. Okay, I hope you enjoy the story. 

If you find that my story is unoriginal, you can feel free to tell me. I will look up the story that you find proves my unoriginality. If it is a complete match, I will most probably delete this story. I apologize for not being able to update my other stories, but this was a good idea; at least I still think it is.


	2. Nokoshita Bashou, mou modorenai

**Fade Away: That's Life**

_A Flame of Rekka Story Retold._

**Disclaimers:** I seem to do this a lot. Refer to my other stories, namely Damn Sun, I have a lot of these there. 

**Author's Notes**: My mood's been improving. Must be because school's ending, at least, for the next two months, nothing of *school* would be registering in my brain. Of course, that means more time for myself and my fanfictions. So far, I don't think there's anything that requires explanation here as most of my explanations are always in the story. At least I think so. *grins at past chapter reviewers: I know all of you are wondering what the guys are doing if they're not assassins…the answer's in this chapter…just hope it's not disappointing.* I'm beginning to think the Author's Notes portion is quite redundant if there's nothing to say, I'm just wasting space and a lot of words. 

**Chapter Two:** **_Nokoshita_****_ Bashou, Mou Modorenai_**

_Four walls, white bedsheets_

_Someone sang_

_Painfully happy tunes_

_Somewhere I'll never reach_

_Drowning in my own despair_

_Falling further and further down.___

I woke up clutching a head with various curses running through it. When someone suffers a fucking blow on the head they don't smile at you as if the hit did them some good. No, they usually feel like wringing the neck of the first person who dares approach them. That was exactly what I felt like doing to Rekka. 

"Yo, awake Kirisawa?" 

"…" It did take a lot of self-control to not lash out screaming and clawing at him. Actually one punch, a really hard one would do much better. I was harvesting just that idea as he stood there grinning at me as if someone with a splitting headache was something funny to laugh at. He obviously didn't know how close to death he was. 

"Didn't think you would get knocked out with one blow! ONE!" He emphasized and slightly choked as he tried to suppress a supposed peal of laughter. 

"Give her a break Rekka. Mikagami decided he was on some revengeful strike and gave her a really hard one with the back of his _katana_." Joker commented as he came down from a winding flight of steps. He of course, didn't know he had just saved Rekka from the hell I was promising myself to give him. 

"Che." Rekka said and took a seat on the sofa opposite the one I had been lying on. I decided to scrutinize my surroundings instead. A table stood at the far corner of the room with five chairs surrounding it and behind it was the winding flight of steps. Further back from the steps were three sofas of the same colour surrounding a glass coffee table. The other end of the room just had two chairs and a small table in between them.  Not bad if you considered vocabulary such as simple and cosy. 

"Where's that block of ice someone decided to carter from Alaska to Tokyo?" Rekka piped up after a few seconds of silence, conveniently breaking my train of thoughts. 

"If you mean Mikagami, he's with Yanagi." Joker replied coolly. He suddenly decided that arranging the vase of flowers atop the coffee table was the most interesting to do. I didn't need to wonder for long why he did so. 

"THE HELL????" A loud explosion I recognized as Rekka's voice coursed as destructive sound waves into my ears. 

Joker continued picking at the flowers as if nothing had happened. 

"Lucas." Rekka hissed as he took a lunge and grabbed a fistful of Joker's shirt. "Why the hell did you leave them alone?" 

"Calm d-" Joker started, but decided not to finish. There was no need, the person to whom it was directed happened to be running like there was no tomorrow up the winding stairs.

I blinked and looked at Joker who had started straightening his shirt. He noticed my stare and grinned back at me sheepishly. 

"Rekka's in love with Yanagi." He said simply as if the sentence alone would explain everything. 

"That's quite understood." I commented dryly. Anyone who wasn't dumb would be able to tell after that little charade of Rekka's. 

A series of sounds resonated from above.

Joker grinned slightly at the noise as he eased himself into Rekka's former seat. "He's got it bad, that's what I can tell. But Yanagi can take care of him so we're not worried." 

"He's full of jealousy, that much I grant him." I muttered, leaning my head against the sofa. The throbbing had subsided by a noticeable margin and I was in better moods. I lay like that, staring at the ceiling with no particular thought residing in my mind. 

"So, Kirisawa…"

"Hmm?" I resorted to just voicing out my question with a sound. In truth lying on the sofa was getting comfortable and I really didn't want anything else other than to return to sleep. 

"What were you doing in the street at 2 in the morning?" 

"Nothing much…" I mumbled, slightly fuzzed with my desire to go to sleep, "Looking for my _aniki_…" I trailed off.

"_Aniki__?" I heard the questioning tone in Joker's voice. Oh yeah, he didn't know Japanese. _

"My brother…" I laughed slightly, my mind still slightly in a far-off place. But not for long. I bolted upright  with my eyes wide in shock.

"Oh fuck." I nearly shouted, "Ohfreakinfuckinghellfuckfuckfuckshitohfuckohshitohfuckdamnitfuckitall…."

Joker was surprised at my sudden cursing tirade. He lifted an eyebrow. "Does cursing help?"

"Yes it does!" I snapped as a sudden surge of anger most probably from shame and guilt overwhelm me. How could I sit here being relaxed when my brother might even be in some kind of danger?   

I stood up in a flurry and shouted at Joker. "Where's the door?" 

"You can't go anywhere Kirisawa." Joker said quietly.

"You sure as hell can't stop me." I lashed out, slightly shocked by the venom in my own voice. 

"I will if I have to." Joker continued calmly. "If we let you go without meeting Yanagi, you're going to put all our lives in danger." 

Of course, I no longer had the head to listen to reason. 

"Damn you fucking selfish pricks! My brother could be dead now and even if he isn't and he dies while you're stopping me, I swear I will come back and kill you with all I've got." I shouted, glaring at him, "Now tell me where the fucking door is or do I have to tear this place down to find it?" I hissed. 

"KIRISAWA! If I let you go out it'll be at least four lives you're as good as going to take! Tell me if your conscience can live on that!" 

I hadn't completely lost my reason it seemed, as his words hit me because I had stopped and I could feel my anger waver. I debated with my conscience for mere seconds which felt an eternity to me. I finally slumped back down on the sofa, feeling more than broken and tired. 

"What should I do then?" I asked quietly. Whichever way I turned, someone would die. As usual, there was never a path where everyone could be happy. I knew, yet my heart was still naïve.

Joker who had stood up in his anger as well, slumped back down with the same tiredness. He didn't answer, and my mind ran the possibility that he wouldn't know either. As much as I loved _aniki, I knew he would never let me sacrifice four lives to save his. I wouldn't be able to live with that, but I didn't know if __I would be able to continue living if _aniki_ died. I started to laugh dryly at the complications that I was suddenly forced to face.  _

"Tell me, how I'm supposed to be able to put your lives in danger." I asked. 

"I'll explain." I heard a voice, not Joker's sounding from the stairwell. It was a girl's voice, unexplainably sweet and melodious. Like an angel, I thought sarcastically to myself as I looked up, eyes noticing the newcomer for the first time. 

The first thought that hit my mind: God, she looked like an angel as well. Golden hair, carefully enhanced by the warm orange lights in the room and mesmerizing blood-red eyes. 

"Yanagi?" I asked, even though I would have known without her soft 'yes' as an answer. 

"Fuuko-chan, right?" She smiled pleasantly at me. 

"Fuuko would be enough." I smiled back, for politeness. 

She settled herself opposite me together with Joker and Rekka, who needless to say, ran extremely immaturely to grab the seat. Mikagami, opted to sit in one of the darker corners of the room, away from us. No surprises there. 

"Okay, how?" I repeated my question from earlier. 

"We are one of many secret organizations, formed as protection for EDEN from another organization, only known to us as RAKUEN. Their leader, Kouran Mori, used to be a part of EDEN, before he betrayed them. RAKUEN members have been trying to kill EDEN top board members for two years now. Our organization is not solely for the purpose of protection, the members here are all searching for something important to them and we are the only organization that does not kill. Last night, Mikagami-san was attacked by two RAKUEN members and according to Joker, he had seen them disappear when you appeared."

"Meaning?" I asked, not catching anything but feeling something sickening form from the pit of my stomach.

"You went out looking for you brother?" Yanagi asked quietly, her eyes taking on a slightly pained expression.

"Yes." I answered, though my voice sounded smaller even to myself.

"When Mikagami saw you, do you remember his reaction?" Joker asked.

"Yes, cold." I replied, then after a pause, " And full of hatred…" My eyes widen and I feel like I've just swallowed a lead weight. " No…" I say hoarsely, a thought running at full speed through my head: _you don't mean…./no/…_

"One of them who had attacked him was a man with long purple hair, purple like yours, and you resembled him." 

"NO!" I shouted. "There's NO way _aniki_ would be an assassin! No way!" I had stood up in my blind anger, fists clenched. I didn't want to believe, yet there was the suspicion that hung thickly in the air. I wanted to be in denial, he was my only family, and given a choice, at that time, I chose to deny. Yet there was the suspicion that couldn't be erased from within me. 

I stood for ages, not knowing how long, perhaps it had only been ten minutes, maybe five or even one, but I had no way of knowing. 

_//There's /no/ way aniki could be an assassin//_

_//Oh yeah?//_

_//He's too nice and too gentle, he wouldn't even kill an ant.//_

_//Of course he wouldn't kill you.// _My brain retorted with a smirk. 

_//Neither would he anything else.//_ My heart snapped back.

_//Why else would he be gone at two in the morning?//_

_//how the /hell/ am I supposed to/know/?//_

_//You can't think of any other reason? Other than he went and became an as-//_

_//Shut the hell /up/! He can't be an assassin and that's /final/!//_

I obviously didn't know how hard and ragged my breathing became. Yanagi's voice was suddenly breaking through the little conflict I was having in my mind. 

" Are you okay, Fuuko-san?" 

"I'm fine." I snapped. " I just want to be alone." I lashed out harshly. 

Yanagi looked at me for a moment and nodded. " You can stay in one of the rooms upstairs." She turned to Joker. 

"Please?"

Joker nodded and walked towards me. "C'mon." 

I knew I could bitch about following Joker upstairs if I wanted, but all of a sudden, I felt too tired to do so. Anyway, it didn't matter much where I was, only if I was finally alone, nothing else would matter anymore.  I followed Joker to the room he showed me into and promptly locked the door once I was inside.  I could tell Joker was going to make attempts to converse with me from the look on his face. I hoped he understood my message when I slammed the door in his face. No knock came and I sighed with relief as I slid down with my back against the door. I closed my eyes, and hoped when I opened them again, perhaps everything would return to normal. 

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Wishful thinking, I smirked at myself. That must have been how I was then, full of naivety of things that didn't really matter in the end. I look out my open window to take in the early morning scenery. Sunlight would graze this earth soon and it would be another day of my life. I get up from my position against a white wall which I had unknowingly taken some time before. The clock chimed a long clinking melody and I didn't need to look to know that it was now finally six in the morning. I felt no desire to sleep any further and decided it would be better if I went to school. 

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[still in reality]

I opened the school locker, mechanically taking out the textbooks I needed. I mused slightly, head bent over my timetable. Classes today were going to be boring, as they always were, because I had stopped taking what I liked, but only what would make me succeed in life. I smiled dryly at myself, the smile covered by my hair. Doing things the way I wanted was no longer something I believed in any further. Perhaps that was how he felt, I thought wistfully. 

"Fuuko-chan!" I heard a delighted 'chirpy' voice call out to me. Ixora, I recognized immediately and grimaced slightly. I supposed it was her 'over-cheerfulness' that made it a little hard to listen to her voice. Don't get me wrong though, I was grateful for her company. Yes, I wasn't too far gone in my own self-pity and I was glad I didn't take on _his_ character. 

"Morning, Ix." I managed to force a smile.

"It's a GREAT morning! Sun was shining, birds were chirping…" 

"Don't get too carried away." I cut her off with a better smile. She tried to make me smile at the risk of sounding a moron herself. I was happy she was there for me, and perhaps nowadays, she was the only one around me who was. 

"Oops, sorry, but it IS a good morning."  She shrugged carelessly. "Let's get down to Calculus! A little maths is ALWAYS good in the morning. I love calculus." 

"Is it?" I muttered, though I never doubted her love for calculus, which was something beyond my own understanding. I never liked calculations, but like I said, I didn't take the subjects because I loved them. 

"Class hasn't started yet." Ixora said as she reached the class before me and had popped her head in. 

I looked down at my watch. "Ix, class is still fifteen minutes away." 

" Oh?" She asked and shrugged again. " Doesn't matter, can always do what the other kids do." She dropped her bag on her table while I did the same. Our tables were next to each other and needless to say, she was the first friend I made since I came to University. She was the only one who dared approach me on the first day of school. 

" And what do other kids do?" I asked nonchalantly, settling myself into my chair, resting my chin on the flat of my hand as I notice Ixora draw her chair and sit herself opposite me. 

"Talk about nothing but nonsense." Ixora grinned. 

"Nonsense?" I raised an eyebrow. 

"Well, stuff they like…for example, them over there," Ixora pointed at a group crowded quite near us. "They like animation." 

"Animation? Japanese cartoons?" I asked with slight surprise. 

"Fuuko, they've been at it at the top of their voices for since the start of the term."

"I never noticed." I replied blandly. 

"….I thought so." Ixora grinned knowingly. 

"Aren't they too old? I mean, god, we're 18 already Ix." 

"Hey, I like it as well, just not so crazy I become some kind of fangirl." Ixora replied defensively.

"Sorry." I offered.

"Anyway, can't you hear?" Ixora paused to listen. "Oh they're talking about EVA today." 

"EVA?" I asked, clearly rendered dumbfounded by her latter sentence. 

"Honestly Fuuko! Are you sure you're from Japan?" Ixora prodded me with mock suspicion.

"I didn't take notice." I replied just as blandly as I did earlier. 

"What WERE you doing anyway?" 

I stiffened. " That's none of your business." I said. Ixora was slightly taken aback at the ice that seemed to lace my voice. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean…" She quickly apologized and made me feel guilty for my actions.

"No don't apologize, it was my fault." I said quickly and there was an uncomfortable silence that followed.

" So what is EVA?" I ventured only to break the silence but without real interest.

Ixora's eyes brightened considerably. She really is a good friend and it was pitiful that I couldn't even muster up the courage to return her as much friendship. 

"Well, it's not really a new animation…quite old. But it's got a lot of knowledge in it! I mean the EVA's are actually these robots that have to be driven by drivers. And oh, the drivers are only 14 years old! It's so angsty you know! There's one of the drivers, his name's Shinji, Ikari Shinji I think, he's this poor kid who got abandoned by his father. And suddenly when he's 14 years old his father calls him back to drive EVA! The place his father works in is called NERV and they're trying to save the Earth with EVAs, fighting something ironically called Angels! Yeah and NERV's working together with another organization, I've forgotten the name all of a sudden! But I'll remember it if I continue saying. Anyway, this organization, they soon think that NERV's not good enough and they want to destroy NERV! But that's not in the main series, that's already the OVA! And oh yeah I remember!" Ixora paused and her eyes shone. "The name of the organization was a German word! Erm...Seele! Yes it was and do you know what it means in English? It means…" 

"Soul." I finished for her. She turned to look at me, surprised that I would know German, but as soon as she did her eyes widened with shock. 

"Oh my god Fuuko! Did I say something wrong? I mean, oh god! You're WHITE! Fuuko, Fuuko!" I could tell she was starting to panic, but there was nothing I could do. 

I tried to say something, but no sound would come out. _They're coming back, my memories were coming back!_ My mind involuntarily screamed. 

"Oh my god, Fuuko! Don't scare me, Fuuko…" Ixora's voice started to sound far away. So far as my mind screamed louder:

_//No! Please not now! Not in front of them! Not in /school/!//_

It was no use. My mind swirled further and Ixora's voice disappeared from the sound waves that could reach my ears. 

*********************

I woke up staring at the ceiling. I wasn't clear how long I slept, but I was sure it wasn't a short while. 

_Aniki_…

I suddenly felt the urge to cry. I supposed it was the realization that I just became alone in the world. _Why did you leave aniki? _

A sudden soft rap on the door broke my thoughts. Was I ready to see someone now? 

_//Better than wallowing in self-pity.//_ The more collected side of my mind seemed to smirk down at my other broken tangled side. 

"Come in." I said, grudgingly taking the advice.

Joker poked his head in, passing me his easy grin. "Feeling better?" He asked. 

"Considerably." I replied and tried to return his grin, but failed miserably. 

"It's okay, don't force it." Joker commented lightly as he settled himself on the side of my bed. 

"I won't." I assured him and there was a silence for a short few minutes. 

"Why are you here, Lucas Khay? In this…organization?" 

"…" Joker remained silent for just a little longer. " Because I need to find someone. Everyone here's searching for something, I believe Yanagi did mention." 

"Yes she did. Someone huh? Can you say," I swallowed, suddenly overcome with nervousness. 

//_It /is/ a personal question.//_

_//Oh /shut/ up//_ My tangled side seemed to find a way to retort. 

" Can you tell me what happened?" I finally blurted out and very nearly regretted. Yes, it was his personal life, and I had no right to probe. I waited, not for his answer, but his rejection to answer the question.

Joker was silent and he stared off at the patch of wall nearby with a thoughtful expression. His silence as I learnt from then on and always, never lasted long. He grinned at me, forced as I could see and falsely happy, carrying a sorrowful air. 

"It's a girl, Fuuko. I'm looking for a girl, she's someone important." 

"Your sister?"  I tried. 

Joker tried to look away. "Yes, in a way, she's my half-sister." He paused for a minute before continuing. "I had a friend in school, a very good one. We'd hang out together all the time and sometimes my sister would join. Then this one fine day, I come back home and find my parents killed. My father, and my half mother…" Joker paused again, his voice had gone slightly shaky. He took a deep breath and continued with his usual steady voice. " I find my sister gone and investigations were conducted but the police couldn't find _anything_. That was when I found out my best friend had disappeared as well. I went back to my house and searched through again, hoping that the police might have missed something. " Joker's eyes flashed. " And I found this, " Joker pointed at the earring he was wearing. It was a single silver hoop with something like a thin silver rectangular block threaded through it. " This silver," Joker said, fingering the rectangular block. "belonging to _him,_ my best friend."

"I didn't know what to think when I found this." Joker continued fingering the rectangular block. "Why was he in my house when my parents died? What happened? Was he the victim as well? Or was he the hunter? I didn't know and I tried to run away from it for a while, not wanting to know."

"But it didn't help me Fuuko, it didn't help me to run away." Joker looked over at me. And I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. I knew I couldn't run and shouldn't run, but it was human reaction, my human reaction to want to shy away from the truth. 

//_The truth hurts…//_

"So I chose not to run away when Yanagi approached me and you shouldn't if you ever want to find out. Join us Fuuko, join SEELE. Not for us, but for yourself at the very least." 

I was silent. Everything posed to me now was debatable and yes, it was all waiting for my decision. Perhaps my decision was what really changed my life, the turning point, people said. But I never regretted my decision, strangely so, but I could feel from the beginning I wouldn't regret it, no matter what happened. 

"Yeah, I'll join." 

And Joker met my decision with a full easy grin. 

                                                            *********************

"She….she's WHAT?!!?!" I smirked slightly as Rekka spluttered his words out, staring at me, then Yanagi with disbelief.

"Yes, Rekka-kun."  Yanagi affirmated with a nod and a small smile. 

" But she's a…she's a…"

"Girl?" I supplied with a brow raised as a question. 

"YES, I mean No, I mean…" Rekka trailed off looking slightly frustrated. 

"Damn Rekka, you some kind of old conventional masochist guy who still believes in the 'girls can't fight' policy?" I asked, my eyebrow still raised, slightly amused at Rekka's frustration.

"I don't know!" He snapped. "Well maybe yes." He muttered in admittance.

"I knew it." I said rolling my eyes. 

"At any rate," Yanagi said with a gentle smile and an extended hand. "Welcome to SEELE." 

I smiled and shook her hand. Of course I didn't know, but I had as good as said, "Welcome to my nightmare."

*******Chap 2, END**********

**Author's Notes: **

1. Thank you to all reviewers, your reviews were met with more than a welcome. Of course, it would be better to address y'all one by one since it wasn't much ^^:; Firstly to **Fangboy: Thankies and try updating your harry potter fanfiction faster! And there's no need to say look who's talking ^^::    ****G: Thanks, I suppose.     ****Xabie**: **Big apology to ya. Know I was supposed to work on your photo albums fic but felt I had to at least update some of my work before starting on another. ^^ Sorry to make you wait and thanks for the review. Yes, it's an AU, kind of Flame of Rekka retold.        ****Flara-chan****: Thanks for the comment. ^^         **Khay******: I know why you like his last name^^, I was trying to come up with something and the name Lucas Khay popped into my mind and I was wondering where that came from and yeah I definitely know where the last name came from now. ^^         ****JamJam****-Chan: Good to know my fic caught your attention, hope you like the second chapter ^^     [A big thank-you to all who've read and reviewed and hope you guys do the same with this chapter ^^]**

2. I've gotten into Gravitation songs lately, I'm sorry, I liked the lyrics. As well as Gackt. I've tried to make my fic longer but there's some kind of impossibility in it. I thought it was long enough but recently I read this FF7 fanfiction, each chapter was almost 44 pages long in .doc format and there was thirty-eight chapters. The best thing was, it didn't even turn boring at any point of time and I enjoyed it immensely. ^^

3. Well, apologies that Mikagami took such a small roll in this whole chapter. I prefer to keep the fluffiness gradual. Perhaps a little complications even. Can't tell can I? Intend to keep readers in suspense and I'll try to update faster ^^::

4. I love Count Cain. But that's really digressing. I'll stop writing crap. 

**Note to all: **Other characters would appear soon, hope you guys stick around. The chapter might have been boring…I'm not sure, I thought it was rather rushed. 


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